Dear Fathers and Mothers of Israel

To my fellow Israeli parents,

My name is Sarah. I live in Israel with my husband and children. Here we are together with you, in an unspeakably painful moment in our nation's history.

I'm writing today to reach out from my heart to yours. I want to offer whatever I can to encourage and strengthen you as we go through this incredibly difficult time. I hope that, whatever your personal situation in this crisis, you will find something here that helps you through the day.

Here's what I have to share:

This week, I am grieving for my people, afraid for my family and friends, experiencing my first siren and run to the safe room, trying to reassure my worried parents abroad, living against a backdrop of anxiety and uncertainty over what might be next — all with five little people in tow. 

My children and their needs don't stop for tragedy. They're still yelling to get my attention in that way that rattles my brain, fighting with each other, wrecking the house with gleeful exuberance, needing to be fed, wanting to play with me, wanting me to read a story, needing me . . .

But it's so much more than the normal needs. They're also asking questions about what's happening that I don't know how to answer. She's looking up at me and saying, “I'm scared” while we're in the safe room. He's learning that his teacher has been called up to serve in the army. She's saying things like, “I wish everything would go back to normal.”

My stomach is in knots. How do I do this? How do we do this?

How do we steady and ground ourselves so that we can be there for our kids in their fear, confusion, and pain? 

Here are some of the answers I'm coming to for myself for inviting more calm and stability into my experience of now. Take a deep breath with me . . .

I go into the body

When I feel a tense knot of fear in my stomach or realize all of a sudden that in the midst of a blizzard of thoughts in my mind, I've somehow stopped breathing, I try to slow everything down. First of all, I breathe in some slow, deep breaths, and then exhale fully, not letting any of that air get stuck inside. Fear thrives on lack of air, so I try to starve it by breathing generously. Then, I start to pay attention to my body — to feel my feet on the floor, to notice what it feels like to sit in my chair, to relax my arms and shoulders, to straighten my spine. Focusing on coming back into my body takes me out of my mind where all those difficult thoughts are whirling around and places me back in the reality of the present moment. It disconnects me from my fearful inner narrative and brings me to a place of greater calm and strength where it's much easier to deal with what's going on in an empowered way.

I connect with the One above 

I'm focusing on my belief in a loving Creator of the universe, who is the Source of everything. There is nothing but Him, and every experience and event occurs within His divine control — there are no accidents. The Creator is good and does good. He has a plan that is so high above what I can understand — He sees everything from a vantage point that is not available to my limited human capacities at this time. The Creator is in control, and I am not. I'm working on my job in this picture, which is to strengthen my trust in His infinite love and wisdom in every moment, in every facet of life. I pray for our people, I ask for strength, I relax into the belief that the Creator is holding it all.

I practice gratitude

In this time when it would be easy to focus on a multitude of things to feel unhappy about, I'm trying to shift to noticing everything around me that I have to be grateful for — waking up to a new day, a meal on the table, water to drink and wash my hands with, sunshine, my children's smiles, supportive words from a friend, the clothes I have to wear, living in Israel (even when things are painful) . . . Big things, small things, exciting things, mundane things, even hard things. Just like when I connect with my body, gratitude takes me out of my head and into what's real, what's really here for me right now. Crisis or no, we are surrounded by millions of blessings every day — we just have to open our eyes to see them. I'm finding that amplifying my gratitude this week is filling me up so that the negative feelings have less space to take root.

Dear mothers and fathers — if you are home with your families right now, you have a role to play that is no less important than that of our soldiers fighting on the front lines. Your children need you. Please remember that the best way to be there for them is to first make sure you are finding ways to feel supported yourself. I urge you to find those things that calm and center you. 

I hope you can find something to connect with in what I've shared. Stayed tuned for more encouragement and tools from me on staying grounded in this tumultuous time and how to help your children do the same. 

Be well, stay safe, and I look forward to connecting with you again!

~Sarah