Back to Center: 'When we heard about the return of COVID, my daughter lost it'

The purpose of the “Back to Center” advice column is to provide perspectives for personal realignment and empowered living in these tyrannical times. Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice about self-development and emotional and mental well-being. Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org. Anonymous and secure. Looking forward to hearing from you!

For all other inquiries, please direct your questions to info@aflds.org

I have a daughter – Danielle – who is just starting 12^th grade this year. She's in need of some major support, and I don't really know how to help her, which is why I'm writing to you. 

Here's the issue: When we started hearing about the return of COVID and everything that comes with it — including school closures — Danielle lost it. The idea that this horrible experience might be coming around again makes her a nervous wreck every time she thinks or hears about it. 

She had a really hard time a few years ago with the school closures, as I know so many kids did. I think she was struggling with some real depression over not being able to be in that familiar routine and see her friends every day. And now, Danielle is entering her senior year, that year that is supposed to be so special and full of wonderful memories, and my heart just breaks for her over what might be ahead. What is the best way for me to support my daughter right now?

Thank you so much for writing in and sharing this painful struggle. I hope what we talk about here will benefit not only you, but the many other families out there who are still feeling the repercussions of the first COVID experience. Please know that you and your daughter are not alone.

The first thing I would encourage you to do for Danielle is give her some powerful acknowledgment. Acknowledgement of another person's difficult feelings or experiences is one of the biggest gifts we can ever give. We all long to be seen, heard, and understood, and most of the time, all it takes is being willing to listen deeply and say sincerely, “Wow, that's really hard…yes, I see this is really painful for you.” It's so tempting to want to swoop in and try to fix the problems of a family member or friend who is struggling, but in doing so, you might inadvertently disregard how sensitive the situation is, and leave the person feeling like a project instead of a human being.

Whatever pain, sadness, anxiety, or fear Danielle is expressing, let her know that you hear and see her. Just be with her, and don't try to solve it for her. Let her know that, “Yes, this might be a difficult year. But I'm here for you no matter how hard it gets.”

Here's another idea to keep in mind. The engineers of this whole thing want us to be feeling the way you and Danielle feel right now. They want us to feel afraid and defeated right out of the gate at the first whispers of “new strain." But we are only helplessly at their mercy — and that of any other one of today's crazy world events — if we choose to see ourselves that way.

Danielle is on the threshold of a critical time in her life. She is quickly moving toward young adulthood — she is part of the next generation who will carry the world forward. We need to help young people like her understand their extraordinary potential. How can you help Danielle shape a view of herself that is empowered, rather than helpless? How can you help her understand that sometimes we do run into really challenging experiences in life that shake us to the core, but it's always up to us how we respond. We can let pain defeat us, or let it expand us and deepen us as human beings, and move us to new kinds of action.

It might be that this year ends up being different from the senior year that Danielle — and you — had envisioned. We never know what tomorrow will bring. But I encourage you to encourage your daughter to create a vision of this year that is all about who she can become through her experiences and what she can do with that in life. There are many wonderful ways to do this — through writing, art, quiet moments of visualization, in conversation with you or a friend…whatever resonates with her. Let her know that she is always in control of herself and her choices. She gets to write her own future and can be an active part of writing the future of the world.

I truly hope that you and Danielle will feel strengthened by what we've talked about here, and that all of us will resolve to utilize the experiences of our lives to come closer to our true, amazing, powerful selves. 

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Previous columns:

• ‘COVID was a nightmare – not again!'
• ‘My kids are obsessed with screens’
• ‘Why would I want to stay home with my kid?’
• ‘I let myself be talked into a medical procedure I didn’t want'
• ‘I encountered a slew of racist hate messages online’
• ‘I want to take our family’s health back into our own hands'
• ‘Even though things are better with COVID, my friends are still on medication’
• ‘I am “awake” now, but I wasn’t always'
• 'My daughter is worried for her friends who got the COVID shot'
• ‘How can people call themselves Christians and believe these things are okay?’
• ‘I’m alone for the holidays for the very first time'
• ‘What’s a formerly proud American to do these days?'
• ‘How can I extend forgiveness for all the COVID atrocities when it still hurts so much?’
• 'I long to help my daughter connect with God in these times'
• Is it irresponsible to think of having another child in today's world?
• ‘I want my son to have strong male role models’
• ‘Our son has secretly been in the process of gender transition’
• ‘I wonder if the sacrifices I and my fellow soldiers made were worth it’
• ‘I know Scripture approves of 2nd Amendment rights, but the idea leaves me uneasy’
• ‘I was an approval-seeking people-pleaser’
• 'God is a God of justice, right? Where’s my justice?'
• ‘I’ve tried my best to be faithful and live a holy life; now I don’t know what to believe’
• 'Kids gravitate toward honest answers, even when they’re tough answers'
• 'I used to be a pretty positive person, but the world is different now'
• 'Do I have an obligation to say something to my friend who is about to inject her one-year-old?'
• 'How do I respond to wild hatred?'
• ‘All my friends have abandoned me’
• ‘Who am I to build a better world?’
• 'The world does not have to understand or approve of your choices'
• 'I get tired and overwhelmed'
• 'I vacillate between feeling inspired and useless'
• ‘I pity the people creating the lies’
• ‘The anger and hurt feelings are costing you too much’
• ‘People who once treated each other with so much love and kindness are now at odds’
• ‘Struggling with my relationship with God since COVID’
• 'I have lost confidence in our healthcare system, including my own personal doctors'
• 'Can you forgive yourself for the years you couldn’t be there with your daughter?'
• 'My wife is willing to take the sacrifice for her sister and I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it'
• 'I deeply regret taking the vaccine'
• 'Married 39 years and I thought we were on the same page when it came to things that mattered most'
• ‘How do I repair this relationship or accept that I may never see my son again?’
• ‘How can I stop fear from controlling my every thought and ruining my dreams?’
• 'How can I pursue my dream to find the person to marry, when it's so hard to connect with new people because of COVID?'
• 'How can I feel safe these days?'
• Advice column premier: Back to Center

Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice! Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org.  Anonymous and secure.

Sarah Perron is a Certified Transformational Life Coach. Her passion is to help people create a powerful vision for their lives, identify and eliminate anything that holds them back, and step into their own unique greatness and mission in the world. She believes deeply in the power of coaching to bring fresh perspectives, ideas, and motivation to anyone who wants to thrive in life. Sarah works with clients one-on-one and in group coaching programs and presents exciting workshops on self-development topics. You can follow her on her YouTube channel Find Your Fire.

You are invited to book a complimentary coaching call with Sarah! Please visit https://calendly.com/sarahperroncoaching/45min to choose a time that's convenient for you. She looks forward to meeting you!