Back to Center: My kids are obsessed with screens!

The purpose of the “Back to Center” advice column is to provide perspectives for personal realignment and empowered living in these tyrannical times. Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice about self-development and emotional and mental well-being. Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org. Anonymous and secure. Looking forward to hearing from you!

For all other inquiries, please direct your questions to info@aflds.org

My kids are obsessed with screens, and it's making me crazy!! I know, of course, our situation is not unique — the screen struggle is real for so many families out there —  but it's really bothering me. My husband and I have done our best to impose firm limits on screen time with our kids, but they always try to weasel more out of us. They whine and whine about how “all their friends” get unlimited screen time, about how they got stuck with the “worst parents ever," and “but there's nothing to dooooo!” It all makes me feel a little bit ill. I just want my kids to be kids — to enjoy being outside, to hang out with their friends (in person, not virtually), to have adventures, and maybe to read the occasional book (a real book, not on a screen)! That's how I grew up, and it was a wonderful childhood. But I feel like this is a losing battle. The world we live in now is overflowing with screens. How can I help my kids fight the screen addiction when it's such a force to be reckoned with? 

Thank you for your question. I hear you!  Whether it's phones, computers, TVs, tablets, and more, screens are everywhere, and they draw our kids (and, let's face it, us too) to them like magnets. How do we free our children from their addictive pull? 

Every family has to decide for themselves what role screens will play in their home. As you think about your particular situation, I have a few thoughts to offer that I hope you'll find helpful.

You expressed that you want your children's experiences of life to be a little more like yours were as a kid. And certainly, you can try to direct them to wholesome, healthy activities — all good! The place to be careful is if you start thinking that if your children grow up differently than you did, there's something wrong with that.

The fact is, your children are growing up in a completely different world from the one you knew as a child. So many things have changed at a dizzying pace over the last few decades, not the least of them technology. It's so easy for us to think our children and their experiences should be replicas of our own, especially if we have largely positive feelings about our upbringing. But your children's childhoods cannot look the same as yours did. Every generation is born into a different world, a different set of circumstances that they must learn to navigate, and it will not be the same as what their parents faced. And that doesn't have to be bad. So, while you don't love the proliferation of screens these days, it might be helpful to work on moving toward more acceptance of the situation and looking at it with an eye toward finding the good in where we are.

Next, I want to acknowledge the boundary-setting you and your husband have done with your children's screen time. Sad to say, but your kids might be right that they are the exception among their friends who might have far fewer limits being placed on them. But never mind them. If the limits you've created feel right to you, stick to them.

About the whining — let them whine. Seriously. Sure, it's annoying, but you don't have to engage with it. Your job is to kindly, firmly, stick to the boundaries you've set. You don't have to lecture them on the evils of the screen, or to let frustration about how they're always doing this overtake you, or even suggest alternative activities. Just a simple, “You'll be okay” from you will do. And you might be surprised at the effect when you minimize your engagement with the situation — after they've had a chance to get it out of their system, your kids will most likely move on and actually go find something else to do! Try it out and see what happens.

You may not be able to totally control the presence of screens in the world around you, but you can set limits for your family and stick with them, as well as regulate your own reaction to your kids' push-back. Focusing on what you can control will take you out of victim mode and empower you to make the best choices you can for your family. Best wishes to all of you for health and well being!

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• Advice column premier: Back to Center

Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice! Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org.  Anonymous and secure.

Sarah Perron is a Certified Transformational Life Coach. Her passion is to help people create a powerful vision for their lives, identify and eliminate anything that holds them back, and step into their own unique greatness and mission in the world. She believes deeply in the power of coaching to bring fresh perspectives, ideas, and motivation to anyone who wants to thrive in life. Sarah works with clients one-on-one and in group coaching programs and presents exciting workshops on self-development topics. You can follow her on her YouTube channel Find Your Fire.

You are invited to book a complimentary coaching call with Sarah! Please visit https://calendly.com/sarahperroncoaching/45min to choose a time that's convenient for you. She looks forward to meeting you!