Back to Center: My daughter is worried for her friends who got the COVID shot

The purpose of the “Back to Center” advice column is to provide perspectives for personal realignment and empowered living in these tyrannical times. Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice about self-development and emotional and mental well-being. Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org. Anonymous and secure. Looking forward to hearing from you!

For all other inquiries, please direct your questions to info@aflds.org

I'm very happy to share that from the beginning of COVID, my immediate family members have been on the same page about the whole experience. My husband and I have very openly discussed the issues with our children - the lies from the pharmaceutical industry and world leaders, the dangers of the “vaccine” and of masks, and the general tyranny we see emerging in many ways around the world. We talk about things; that's just the kind of family we are. 

My teenaged daughter has taken a special interest in all of this, and has been avidly following different freedom news outlets over the last year, including AFLDS. Lately, though, she has developed a lot of fears related to the reports of people dying suddenly from the COVID shot. She's really worried for her friends who got it - many of them did - and is feeling convinced that it's only a matter of time until she hears that one of her friends has died. I don't know what to tell her. 

How do I help her through her fears? And it also makes me wonder if my husband and I have shared too much with our kids about what's going on in the world. I want them to know the truth, but also don't want them to be afraid. In our attempt to be open, have we gone too far?

Thank you for your questions. First, I want to acknowledge what an amazing family you have! It sounds like you and your husband have worked hard to build a family culture of openness and truth, and that you respect your children as intelligent people who are capable of taking in challenging ideas and information. It's a really beautiful thing.

On to the question of your daughter and her fears. I understand—the reports about sudden deaths are terrible and can make you feel like you could hear the worst about a loved one at any moment. And it's difficult that there's no truthful way to tell your daughter that everything's going to be fine with her friends because there's no way to know for sure. As parents, we often want to have all the right answers to give our children, but there are times when—if we're being honest—we have to admit to them that we simply don't know. 

Maybe the best thing is to turn your question around to your daughter: Ask her what she thinks would help her to work through these fears. What would help her to deal with the worry and uncertainty? Answers to our problems are always most powerful when they come from within us, so try giving her the chance to be the expert on herself.

If she's stuck for ideas, you might suggest different forms of creative expression like journaling, drawing or painting, poetry, songwriting, playwriting, and so on. Encourage her to choose a creative outlet to express her fears that's right for her. It can be so healing to simply give our negative emotions the space to come out, rather than holding them inside. 

If it seems right, you might also suggest that she take a break from or reduce the time she spends reading the news for a while. Maybe taking a step back would help reduce the intensity of her worries.  

One of the most powerful things you can do for your daughter is to let her know that you're there for her, that she can talk to you anytime she feels afraid. It's not about having the answers; it's about holding space for her fears. Your loving presence and compassionate listening will be so healing for her.

As to your question about whether you've shared too much with your children about the state of the world:

Many parents out there go to great lengths to try to keep their children from experiencing discomfort. They try to shield them from the evils of the world, even sometimes to the point of hiding information or lying to their kids. Now, there is definitely a lot to be said for using wisdom about when and how to talk to children about challenging topics. But the problem with trying to keep our kids from having unpleasant experiences is that we deny them the chance to grow, to develop resilience, to build capability and navigate their fears and other negative emotions in a healthy way. 

Your daughter is experiencing pain, and that is, of course, uncomfortable for you. It's making you question the way you run your family. But what do you think she could potentially gain from this experience, as hard as it is? How might she grow and expand herself by having to figure out how to deal with her fears? How might it help her in the future? 

The fact is that eventually our little ones become bigger ones, and our bigger ones become adults, and then those adults have to function independently in a world where alongside all of the amazing and beautiful things that go on, there are also hard and terrible things. If we can give them the opportunity while they are young to learn how to deal with some of the hard stuff in a healthy way, they are going to be much stronger adults for it. As for what and how you share with your children, it's really your call. You know them better than anyone else, and you can trust your intuition when it comes to these conversations. 

I wish you all the best on your parenting journey, and much health and safety for all! 

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When I'm in a mindset where I'm aspiring to be my best self as a person and as a believer, I feel inspired to dialogue with people who, I believe, are living in sinful ways. I hope that I might be able to share the truth with them and be a good influence. I'm mostly talking about the whole messed up gender identity thing and all things “woke.” I really want to do something about these big societal issues, but anytime I get into an actual conversation with someone about all this (whether in-person or online), I feel almost instantly exasperated and angry. I'm overwhelmed with how ridiculous it all is, and I can't seem to get past those feelings to have a productive conversation. What can I do? 

I appreciate the honesty of your message. It's not easy to admit our difficult emotions, especially when they pop up in the midst of our aspirations to be our “best selves,” as you say. I hope I can help you understand a bit more about what might be going on inside of you in these challenging situations.

You have wonderful intentions to share truth with people around some of the controversial issues going on these days but you're stopped in your tracks by your own anger and frustration. Let's take a closer look at these emotions that leave you wanting to throw up your hands in exasperation. 

What is it specifically about the gender and “woke” issues that bring you to this place of overwhelming frustration and subvert the good you want to do? Is it that you just can't understand how anyone could think these are valid perspectives and lifestyles? Do these issues scare you, and your fear brings you to a place of anger? Are you worried that you won't know how to present a convincing argument for your own values and views that will resonate with others, and so you give up before you've even begun? Or is it something else? Take some time to reflect on the source of your feelings.

I'm also interested in what's behind your perception of how “ridiculous it all is.” What exactly do you mean by that? The way it comes off the page to me is that maybe underneath this feeling that these controversial issues are ridiculous is a resistance to the fact that they are even real issues in society. It's like you want to face them and contribute goodness and purity to the fight against immorality, but at the same time, you can't quite face them because you're resisting the fact that they're here in the first place. They're unpleasant and hard to come to grips with.

If this idea resonates with you, I want to acknowledge what you're going through. We are seeing so many difficult, sometimes downright horrifying things taking place in the world today that are hard to accept as reality. It can feel like a nightmare that we just want to run away from. I know; I've definitely been there, too. 

What I've found is that the less I try to push away what is real and happening, however terrible, and the more I accept that these are the times I'm living in, I feel my anger and fear lose their edge. I also feel more motivated to see what I can do to make a difference, and am able to face the challenges head on. Acceptance of reality allows us to move forward.

What could you do to more easily accept the presence of the issues that have got you hopping mad—the disturbing gender distortions and “woke-ism” we find sweeping American culture? How can you come to a place of being able to say, “Okay, this is happening—really happening. Now what am I going to do about it?” If you can do that, I think you might find those conversations easier to navigate, and that you'll feel more grounded, patient, and effective. 

These aren't easy days, and we desperately need people like you who have a desire to stand for truth. I believe you can do this! All the best.

****

Previous columns:

• ‘How can people call themselves Christians and believe these things are okay?’
• ‘I’m alone for the holidays for the very first time'
• ‘What’s a formerly proud American to do these days?'
• ‘How can I extend forgiveness for all the COVID atrocities when it still hurts so much?’
• 'I long to help my daughter connect with God in these times'
• Is it irresponsible to think of having another child in today's world?
• ‘I want my son to have strong male role models’
• ‘Our son has secretly been in the process of gender transition’
• ‘I wonder if the sacrifices I and my fellow soldiers made were worth it’
• ‘I know Scripture approves of 2nd Amendment rights, but the idea leaves me uneasy’
• ‘I was an approval-seeking people-pleaser’
• 'God is a God of justice, right? Where’s my justice?'
• ‘I’ve tried my best to be faithful and live a holy life; now I don’t know what to believe’
• 'Kids gravitate toward honest answers, even when they’re tough answers'
• 'I used to be a pretty positive person, but the world is different now'
• 'Do I have an obligation to say something to my friend who is about to inject her one-year-old?'
• 'How do I respond to wild hatred?'
• ‘All my friends have abandoned me’
• ‘Who am I to build a better world?’
• 'The world does not have to understand or approve of your choices'
• 'I get tired and overwhelmed'
• 'I vacillate between feeling inspired and useless'
• ‘I pity the people creating the lies’
• ‘The anger and hurt feelings are costing you too much’
• ‘People who once treated each other with so much love and kindness are now at odds’
• ‘Struggling with my relationship with God since COVID’
• 'I have lost confidence in our healthcare system, including my own personal doctors'
• 'Can you forgive yourself for the years you couldn’t be there with your daughter?'
• 'My wife is willing to take the sacrifice for her sister and I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it'
• 'I deeply regret taking the vaccine'
• 'Married 39 years and I thought we were on the same page when it came to things that mattered most'
• ‘How do I repair this relationship or accept that I may never see my son again?’
• ‘How can I stop fear from controlling my every thought and ruining my dreams?’
• 'How can I pursue my dream to find the person to marry, when it's so hard to connect with new people because of COVID?'
• 'How can I feel safe these days?'
• Advice column premier: Back to Center

Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice! Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org.  Anonymous and secure.

Sarah Perron is a Certified Transformational Life Coach. Her passion is to help people create a powerful vision for their lives, identify and eliminate anything that holds them back, and step into their own unique greatness and mission in the world. She believes deeply in the power of coaching to bring fresh perspectives, ideas, and motivation to anyone who wants to thrive in life. Sarah works with clients one-on-one and in group coaching programs and presents exciting workshops on self-development topics. You can follow her on her YouTube channel Find Your Fire.

You are invited to book a complimentary coaching call with Sarah! Please visit https://calendly.com/sarahperroncoaching/45min to choose a time that's convenient for you. She looks forward to meeting you!