Back to Center: 'I am "awake" now, but I wasn't always...'

Sarah Perron

December 15, 2022

The purpose of the “Back to Center” advice column is to provide perspectives for personal realignment and empowered living in these tyrannical times. Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice about self-development and emotional and mental well-being. Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org. Anonymous and secure. Looking forward to hearing from you!

For all other inquiries, please direct your questions to info@aflds.org

I am “awake” now, as they say, but I wasn't always. I actually had two COVID injections before I came to realize they aren’t safe — that in fact, they are downright dangerous.

Now, I am filled with regret and depression most of the time over what I've done to myself. It has even cost me my job — I just couldn't focus at work anymore, wasn't being productive, so they let me go. I feel that death from these shots is inevitable, that it's too late, that it's just a matter of time until the damage done to my DNA overtakes me. Nothing to be done.

I'm only writing to you because my sister is so worried about me and has been urging me to get help. We're very close, so I said I would do it for her. That’s why I’m reaching out. I don't know what you could possibly say to me that might help, but here I am.

Thank you so much for your message. My heart goes out to you for the situation you're in and how hopeless you are feeling. Even though you are skeptical about anything being able to help you, I do hope that my words here will give you encouragement, hope, and the beginning of a way forward.

Regret is a hard place to live. It's more than hard; it can actually be incredibly destructive. It keeps us living in the past, mourning over things we can't change. You made the choice — the best one you could with what you knew at the time — to get these two injections, and it sounds like your regret has got you trapped. It's holding you hostage in a depressed state of being in the present and in fear over what you feel is inevitably coming in the future.

But here's the thing: Right now, you are alive. That is a fact. You have no way to change the past, and you don't know what will be in the future. Where do you have the power to make changes? Where can you know things with certainty? Right now, in this very moment.

So, my question to you is: What do you want to do with this life you have, right now?

The truth is that none of us knows how long we have in this lifetime. I have a friend who recently was hit by a car while crossing the street. Thank God, it looks like he is going to be okay after some considerable rehabilitation, but it was a very close call. He never saw it coming; it just seemed like a normal day until everything turned upside down.

But the amazing thing is that my friend is using this traumatic experience not to mourn his misfortune and injury, but to feel deep gratitude. He is grateful to be alive, grateful that it wasn't worse, grateful for the way his community is supporting him and his family in this difficult time. It's not an easy experience to go through by any means, but my friend is making a choice to let this trauma highlight all the good.

You're also going through a trauma of your own. You made a medical decision based on false information, on lies from people whom you should have been able to trust, who should have had your best interests at heart. And now you know the truth, and it feels devastating. That must be incredibly painful. The thing I want you to know is that you have a choice as to how you view all of this.

How you could possibly turn your own trauma around so that it highlights the good for you? Is it possible that there could be some gifts wrapped up in this struggle? How can you take your ability to choose how you want to live and make the most of it?

If you give in to depression and hopelessness, if you let the past suck the life out of the present and make you believe that your future is already sunk, that sounds to me like handing yourself over to death already, the very thing you fear most. I encourage you to take heart, look for the good, and live the life you have now.

I truly hope that you find this helpful, and wish you complete health and well-being!

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I'm going through a really weird, unsettling experience at work these days. I work for a company that is all about inclusion and celebrating diversity, with a big emphasis on respect for all types of gender choices and the like. My direct supervisor is personally very big on all of this, and has taken the initiative to form a committee to come up with ideas and projects that will help everyone feel their lifestyle choices are being respected at work. She asked me a while back if I would join the committee, and I declined because frankly, I'm not comfortable with doing anything related to condoning sexual deviance (I didn't say it like that to her, but there, I've said it here!). I think maybe she caught an unenthusiastic vibe from me, though, and must have interpreted it as disapproval.

Ever since, my supervisor has behaved differently toward me. She criticizes my work heavily — a change from the past — and it even seems sometimes like she's trying to make it harder for me to do my job well. Her general attitude toward me is cold and abrupt. I'm feeling SO bothered by all this. I really thrive on positive feedback, and love when others acknowledge that I've done good work, so it's really hard for me to feel like my supervisor isn't recognizing my efforts anymore (and is, in fact, trashing them!). It feels so unfair. What can I do?

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this difficult experience. I can understand how unfair it must feel — that you're being treated so negatively because you exercised your right to say no to participating in something you weren't comfortable with.

It seems to me that you have some choices to make, both around action and attitude in this situation. Let's start with action.

From what you shared, it sounds like to this point, you've simply been enduring the change in your supervisor's behavior, and haven't taken any action or spoken up about it. Is that something you want to do? You would certainly have grounds to do so. If your workplace truly values diversity, that should (in theory, at least) include diversity of opinion and belief. As long as you are acting in a way that's respectful of others' choices and beliefs, you have every right to ask the same respect be given to you. Whether this involves a conversation with your direct supervisor or someone higher up, just know that it's something you can pursue if you want to.

If you do want to take action, but are struggling to do so, what is holding you back? What fear or hesitancy is at the heart of your reluctance to stand up for yourself? How could you respond to that fear and ultimately work to release it?

On to attitude. It feels awesome when other people recognize all the good, hard work we do, all the effort and heart we put in, how much we care and are striving to do our best. Sometimes it happens! And sometimes, it doesn't — nobody seems to notice. And sometimes, we get exactly the opposite — criticism, disapproval, even efforts to sabotage our good work — which is what you're going through.

We can never count on the validation of others to fill us up. If we're waiting around for external praise and recognition in order to feel good, we may be waiting a long time. We have to validate ourselves, first and foremost.

I encourage you to make a list of things you can feel good about regarding who you are on the job and the quality of the work you do. What are you proud of? What do you know you do very well? What about the amount of effort you put in, and the way you treat your coworkers? It doesn't matter how big or small, write all these things down and then sit back and take them all in. Feel the pride and happiness that recognizing your own accomplishments can bring.

You can return to your list anytime you feel the pull of your supervisor's negativity dragging you down. Remember that you always have the power to choose to view yourself in a positive light; it doesn't have to depend on other people. And in fact, sometimes when we make a habit of validating and recognizing ourselves, it positively impacts the way others treat us. It shows the people around us that we know our own worth. That serene confidence can make a big impact!

I hope that one way or another, things become more peaceful and positive for you at work. You've got this!

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Sarah encourages you to reach out to her with requests for advice! Please send your questions to advice@aflds.org. Anonymous and secure.

Sarah Perron is a Certified Transformational Life Coach. Her passion is to help people create a powerful vision for their lives, identify and eliminate anything that holds them back, and step into their own unique greatness and mission in the world. She believes deeply in the power of coaching to bring fresh perspectives, ideas, and motivation to anyone who wants to thrive in life. Sarah works with clients one-on-one and in group coaching programs and presents exciting workshops on self-development topics. You can follow her on her YouTube channel Find Your Fire.

You are invited to book a complimentary coaching call with Sarah! Please visit https://calendly.com/sarahperroncoaching/45min to choose a time that's convenient for you. She looks forward to meeting you!